"Elegance is Refusal" - Save Your Schedule from Energy Vampires
A recent report issued by the United Nations confirmed what many had already suspected: Americans now work
longer hours than their colleagues in any other industrialized country - including Japan! For the lives of modern
women, this translates to even longer hours and harder work. Not only do we work long hours at our jobs, but we
typically shoulder greater responsibilities when it comes to home and childcare tasks. During my prior career as
a litigator, I found that my "to do" list went on endlessly, and the more I looked at it, the more exhausted I felt.
The feeling that I had so many things to do depleted my energy and mental resources, and left me feeling perpetually
depressed and demoralized.
Many of my clients come to me with those feelings of overwhelm - how can they fit everything into their days and
still have time to rest, revive, and enjoy themselves? Was it an impossible goal?
Therefore, one of the first things I do with new clients who are experiencing such feelings is to ask them to
create an "Elegance is Refusal" list, coined after a quote attributed to Coco Chanel. This exercise is designed
to have clients identify the energy drains in their lives, because many of them are not aware of the myriad of energy
vampires included in their schedules. An "Elegance is Refusal" list can include, of course, the regular suspects
(work pressure, conflicts with supervisors, long commutes, paying bills, etc.), but can also include items one might
not automatically think of, such as:
- Keeping an "open door" policy at work, which can leave one feeling perpetually at the behest of everyone;
- Reading depressing news headlines or listening to the local news in the mornings and evenings;
- Using old and decrepit cosmetics;
- Subscribing to too many online retailers which flood your mailbox with incessant promotions;
- Having disorganized and overloaded handbags and wallets;
- Dusty, dirty and/or cluttered offices;
- Workspaces devoid of color or personality;
- Piles up of dirty dishes in the kitchen sink;
- Using threadbare linens and bath towels;
- Not taking the time to move your body in any intentional or reflective way
As you can see from this short list of examples, many of these kinds of energy drains are easily handled once
identified. Taking a short walk every day that is intentionally designed to give you space to think, buying new
towels for home, adding flowers and jeweled-framed containing pictures of loved ones to your office, taking the
time to de-clutter your workspace and handbag, etc., can be done with a little effort and can result in surprising
new pockets of energy. In particular, taking the time to really make your workplaces more organized and colorful
can make a huge difference, particularly because we spend the majority of our lives in them. Thinking of your office
as an extension of your home and investing some time and a little money in the space is one of the most important
things a woman can do to improve the quality of her days. Last but certainly not least, try to stop reading salacious
news headlines and receiving your mail from sensational sources (my favorites are National Public Radio, the New York
Times and the Washington Post).
An "Elegance is Refusal" list can also assist you in figuring out what you might be able to delegate to others
at little or no cost. For example, a dear friend of mine is paying the daughter of a neighbor a small sum to have
her pick up her dry-cleaning and walk her dog. My husband (usually) cheerfully takes care of the dishes in the sink
when he sees how much happier it makes me not to have to deal with them. Creating such a list is a first step in reclaiming time and energy, so have fun with it, knowing that by doing so, you will give yourself more peace of mind.
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Walking for Peace of Mind
Many centuries ago, Hippocrates (460 BC - 377 BC) stated: "Walking is man's best medicine." I firmly believe that to be
true and recommend a walking practice for all my clients. Walking is not only really good for your body, but it taps into
your innate brilliance and creativity. Regular walking decreases risks of heart disease, diabetes, stroke, stress, and high
blood pressure, and induces better sleep, increased energy, and a sense of empowerment. Indeed, walking rivals tai chi, yoga
and medication as an effective mindfulness practice.
What I love best is that adding a walk to your day does not require joining an expensive gym or investing in workout
clothes or equipment -- all you have to do is get up and go. When I used to commute daily on the subway to my law office
in midtown Manhattan, all the activity and sounds and jumble of people kept my brain distracted and flustered. I learned how
to clear that fluster and distraction by hopping off the subway a few stops early and walking to my office. On these walks,
I came up with amazing ideas and thoughts and inspiration, and it also centered and grounded me for the day. I visualized my
day at the office, thought through my "to do" list, contemplated how to handle certain situations, and also percolated ways
that I would make my days pleasurable amidst the stress. I would occasionally stop to buy flowers and/or a nice cup of coffee,
and I would enjoy this time set aside just for me. Walking in nature is even better -- it connects you to trees, grass and
nature, to Mother Earth's grounding energy, and can soothe your mind and nerves. I'm lucky enough now to live near a beautiful
park where I walk nearly every day, but you can find little spots of nature anywhere -- you just have to look for it.
A great add-on to your walk is to bring a notebook with you (Barnes & Noble have great little ones for less than $5.00).
You never know what kind of great ideas you'll have and will want to record as you move your body and energy, or what other
bits of inspiration you'll come across as you're out and about!
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5 Ways to Make Your Office a Sanctuary
1. Every evening before you leave, take 2-5 minutes to organize and de-clutter your desk
(even it simply means putting paperwork in organized piles) and update any task lists. When you return to your
office the next morning, you will feel more calm and in control, and you don't have to waste energy trying to
figure out where you left off the day before.
2. Prepare a list of enjoyable things you can do during breaks to recharge (since during
particularly stressful days we can entirely forget how to have fun) - and make sure you take some time every day
to do at least one of them! This list can include: closing the door
to your office and taking stretching and/or dance breaks,
writing personal notes to friends (keep cards and stamps in
your office for this purpose), research your next vacation, make a
donation to your favorite charity (it feels great to spread good
karma when feeling cranky or stressed), make a call to a friend or
family member simply to say "I love you." Find more ideas
3. Add color and personal touches to your office décor. This can
include buying flowers for yourself on a weekly basis, adding art,
pictures, pillows, rugs and lamps (to cut down on the glare from
fluorescent lighting) - whatever makes you feel good when you look at
it. You spend the majority of your waking life in your office, so
take the time to make it comfortable and lovely.
4. Use aromatherapy to increase energy and focus, and to decrease
stress. Keep a stash of essential oils (you can find them easily at
natural food stores and you can also order excellent quality oils
from www.youngliving.us) in your desk drawer and take a moment every
once iaa n a while to enjoy their scent. Some favorites:
- Peppermint: stimulates the mind, calms nerves, and can aid in focus.
- Lavender: the classic scent for relaxing and winding down, and also
has balancing properties that can boost stamina and energy.
- Lemon and Orange: citrus scents have strong and purifying aromas that are revitalizing and uplifting.
- Rosemary: an energizing oil, it is beneficial for helping to restore
mental alertness when experiencing fatigue.
5. Keep plants in your office: not only do they add beauty to your
space, but they may actually clean the air and can add humidity to
your office environment. In fact, one study by NASA discovered that
common houseplants can actually convert chemical air pollutants into
harmless substances. Excellent plants to add to your office, in
particular: ivy and chrysanthemum. Another excellent investment?
An air purifier.
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Are you thinking about hiring a coach?
Do you want to know more about what coaching can do for you? CNN
recently ran an article about life coaches and reported:
"Seeking serenity or direction in your life? The growing number of life coaches want to
help. - It's one of those questions many job-seekers dread during an interview, but it can be daunting to
answer on a personal level as well. Amid all your responsibilities, activities and projects, it's sometimes
hard to see the big picture and easy to become overwhelmed or feel like you're lacking direction. That's
where a life coach can come in." Read on...
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Did You Know?
Poverty in the United States could be cut in half simply by guaranteeing that women earn equal pay for
equal work. For full-time, year-round workers, women are paid on average only about 77% of what men are paid;
for women of color, the gap is even wider. Thus in 2005, women's median annual earnings were only $.77 for
every $1.00 earned by men. For women of color, the gap is even worse - only $.71 for African-American women
and $.58 for Latinas. If women received the same wages as men who work the same number of hours, have the same
education and union status, are the same age, and live in the same region of the country, then these women's
annual incomes would rise by $4,000 and poverty rates would be cut in half. Working families would gain an
incredible $200 billion in family income annually.
Source: National Organization for Women
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